I have the sweatiest head in the world. I always have. I don’t really sweat anywhere else much, but my head is a boiling hot sun attached to my neck. When people say I must have a ‘very efficient cooling system’, I want to hurt them. I know I am not the only one out there. These are thing only the hot heads know.
1. Sweaty faced women always carry tissues and pretend to blow their noses when they are actually wiping away rivers of sweat. Sometimes we leave wads of tissue on our face because the task was too big for a measly tissue.
2. When we get to work during Summer, we have no makeup left on our faces and must reapply.
3. When we go for a run at lunchtime, people ask us if we are OK afterwards. Long afterwards, even post shower. They always seem really worried. I am not sick, I'm just sweaty.
4. We think blotting paper is a joke and wonder if we will ever live in a world where we could delicately blot our face with a maxi pad.
5. We wish the ‘dewy look’ would come back.
6. We wear sun visors, to let some heat out the top.
7. We avoid travelling to Southeast Asian countries.
8. At a nightclub, when we are dancing, people try to buy drugs from us because they assume that we are pill-heads because of the excessively sweaty face.
9. We only ever grow a fringe in Winter.
10. We are sweatier than the overweight, bearded, old, sunburnt guy in the polyester shirt next to us.
11. We have sweaty babies
12. We wonder if Botox will help get rid of our ‘sweat moustache’. It doesn’t.
13. We worry about menopause. What could possibly be hotter than our molten lava head? Hot flushes? Please God no.
14. We dream of dry hair, powdered faces, mascara in place and no wads of loo paper stashed in our handbags.